Put the wine down! There are other ways to stay calm.
You may not believe me but wine is NOT the only solution to staying calm!
I know it helps, but what if there were other solutions? Just go with me on this for a moment.
Let’s paint the picture. You are going along just fine and then someone says something, or does something, and you have lost the plot (you get triggered). Your response is completely over the top and disproportionate with what happened. Does that sound familiar at all? I can certainly relate to it.
When this happens to me, two questions come to mind:
Why me? Why can’t I keep my shit together?
Why me? This doesn’t seem to bother anyone else, why do I react this way?
Why? Well the way each of us reacts to a situation is based on our life experiences – and our brain is not actually trying to work against us, instead it is actually trying to PROTECT us. The interesting thing is that the part of our brain in charge of protecting us (the Amygdala….try and pronounce that!) doesn’t know if a threat is real or not. So it says – THREAT – lets protect, and triggers a response. This is often called an Amygdala hijack. This means that your logical/rational brain is hijacked, instead of responding in a rational way, your emotional response is threat based.
Back to the wine, and staying calm. The most important thing you can do to stay calm when you are being triggered is to create a PAUSE. A pause gives you time, so that you have a chance to stop OVER reacting and instead CHOOSE how you want to act, rather than emotions taking charge.
What do I mean by PAUSE? Let's keep it simple.
Breathe
Take 3 deep breaths – this allows time to think rather than just reacting emotionally. The science shows that we need 6 seconds to stop the Amygdala from hijacking our rational brain. So hopefully 3 deep breaths will give you at least 6 seconds.
Count to 10
Counting is another way to create enough time for your rational brain to take charge, rather than letting emotions take hold. Once you have created the Pause then you have the opportunity to choose how you want to act in any given situation.
Ask yourself a question
Asking a question gets the logical brain working, this slows down the emotional response – taking back control. You might ask yourself questions like: I wonder why they said/did that? What can I learn from this?
Notice the physical signs
Generally when triggered there is a physical response – you might get hot, or feel yourself blushing, or have the urge to flee from a situation. When you notice these signs press PAUSE and try one of the options above to take back control. Once you are aware of your physical response it can be an early warning system that can help you stop the Amygdala hijack that is about to take place.
An important first step is to become aware of your patterns.
"The beauty of awareness is that it interrupts a pattern"
- Louise Hay
To become more aware of your patterns and triggers take a moment at the end of each day to reflect.
Did I get triggered today? When, why, what were the circumstances? What can I learn about myself?
Did I press PAUSE? Was it effective? Did I manage to stay in control or did my Amygdala take charge?
What patterns am I now aware of? What worked as a PAUSE? What will I do differently tomorrow?